War Song
by WizardsGirl
Summary: (25 Vote Winner on my Poll) Harry is a Son of Ares, but never Determined, and becomes the Master of Death (Warnings Inside) One-Shot (May add drabble chapters later, but unlikely), M for CURSING and Some Depictions of Violence
1. War Song

**A/N:** This is the current winner of the Poll:

Harry is the Son of Ares, but was never Claimed, and becomes the Master of Death.

Thanks for Voting!

Vote some more, must reach 30 for next fic idea!

 **Warnings:** Lots of cursing, some OOCness, AU, BAMF!Harry, BAMF!Lily, Ron &Percy!Bashing (Mild), Slytherin!Harry, Possessive!Harry/Ares, Adorable!Baby!Teddy

 **War Song**

Lily didn't know what to do. There was a _war_ going on in England, and James was running around like a bloody _idiot_ on the front lines with his friends, while she'd been shuffled off and told to stay behind the scenes because her bloody _husband_ didn't want to lose her.

Well, good for him, but did he really think _she_ wanted to lose _him_?!

Her frustration and ire was just why she was here, drinking her annoyance at that ridiculous man away in this little Muggle bar and vindictively flirting with the _gorgeous_ man sitting down the bar from her, dressed in the military fatigues of the American Armed Forces. She doubted it would come to anything, but it was fun, and soothed the hurt of being left behind when all she wanted to do was stand next to her husband and help fight the scum who threatened their way of life with their ridiculously uninformed ideals.

She drank another shot of… She didn't really remember what, and blinked as, the next moment, she found the gorgeous American man sitting next to her and paying for her next drink. He wasn't the same handsome as James, he was larger, rougher and roguish, with scars on his broad face and muscles budging, black hair in a crew cut and eyes hidden behind wrap-around, red-tinted glasses. The smirk he gave her had her thighs clenching and her heart picking up. This wasn't the kind of man who would buy her flowers and hold her hand. This man's very _presence_ promised rough sex and no phone number left on the pillow when you woke up the next day to an empty bed.

"Hello, good looking," he purred, and Lily licked her lips unconsciously as he leaned forward, breath smelling faintly of cigarettes and something coppery. "The name's Ares."

…

Fuck it.

She was taking this man home tonight, and she'd deal with her regrets tomorrow.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Staring down at her baby, Lily was torn. Harry James Potter was beautiful. He had black hair, darker than his father's dark brown, and eyes the same shape as hers which were currently newborn-blue. He had her nose and ears, but…

That mouth was _all_ Ares, already promising a smirk before a smile, and a sneer ready in the background.

She remembered that mouth _very_ well, and it had her casting a guilty look towards the door.

The day after her drunken, _satisfying_ night with Ares had found her blasting her way through a battle with Death Eaters in order to slap her stupid husband across his stunned face, before kissing him harshly and telling him he was an _idiot_. They'd spent the rest of the battle side-by-side, fighting for their lives, and she hadn't felt so damn _exhilarated_ in her life, except when she'd bedded that foreigner _just_ the night before.

And now, _exactly_ nine months later (Though, to James, it was only eight months, the baby seeming early and Poppy having sworn an oath not to give him the baby's actual age), she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, whose face was as much Ares as hers, and she hoped that people would wave off the dissimilarity to James as just her own genetics acting up.

Sighing, Lily smiled down at her baby boy.

"You're going to be _so_ much trouble when you're older," she murmured to him affectionately, kissing his tiny mouth just to watch him scowl up at her and blink his blue eyes.

She'd never get to see that day, however.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry gritted his teeth as his stupid, fat cousin mocked him, his blazing green eyes narrowed as he gardened.

"Freak!" Dudley sneered at him, waddling closer, and Harry cast a careful glance at the house to see if anyone was watching.

… _Fuck it_ , the nine-year-old thought. _They'll just blame me for it, anyways. Might as well actually_ _ **do**_ _something to get blamed_ _ **for**_ _._ Smirking, Harry stood up, dusting dirt off his hands from where he'd been helping the flowers war against the weeds. Turning, he smirked at his disgusting cousin, his eyes gleaming like fire in the summer sunlight.

"Hey, Diddykins," he mocked, smirk nasty as he began to stalk towards his cousin. "You hungry? I've got a sandwich you can have." Dudley blinked, confused, then smirked right back without knowing the pain Harry's slow, predatory movements promised.

"Give it over, Freak," he ordered, holding out one chubby hand imperiously. "And I _might_ not tell Dad that you're snitching food." Harry grinned, fierce and cruel, and clenched his hand.

"Okay, Dudley," he agreed; Dudley grinned.

Harry's fist broke two of his teeth and his nose.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Hogwarts was _okay_ , Harry supposed. He'd learned a shit-ton of spells he wasn't supposed to know, but, hey, the library was open for everyone, and there were dozens of countless unused classrooms he could practice in. Potions was okay, he and Snape had fun snarking at one another, though Harry tended to blow up any cauldron near him if his vicious Head of House hit too close with his insults, but they'd figured out putting Harry next to the Gryffindors made it more funny than annoying, and Snape got to take points so, hey, win-win, right?

Harry had beaten the shit out of Malfoy the first night, however. Piece of shit he was, mocking Harry's mother, who Harry actually _liked_ out of the two of his parents (After all, anyone Aunt Petunia loathed was the best thing in the world, as far as Harry was concerned). Of course, Harry had beat the shit out of several people, upper years included, and it had quickly gotten him a reputation that he _far_ from minded. (His Housemates were just irritated that they actually had to _work_ to earn back the many points he'd lost them but, hey, the Hat said he'd be kick-ass in Slytherin and that he'd face a lot of opposition and make enemies, so, you know, he kinda _had_ to go there!)

Now it was Halloween, and Harry found himself stalking towards the Girls Bathroom to save that ridiculous brainy chick that had helped him out with a spell once in class, because some idiot had made her cry and she didn't know about the Troll.

Rounding the corner, Harry paused as he stared up at the Troll as it struggled to get into the girls bathroom. The thing was huge and carrying a club…

Harry grinned and cracked his knuckles.

Oh, this would be _fun_.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry stared at the face on the back of Quirrels head, frowning. Hermione was outside, trying to keep Zabini's brain from leaking out his ears or something after the intelligent Slytherin (Harry's sometimes-sparring partner and _maybe_ -friend) had sacrificed himself to beat that stupid as fuck chess game, and _this_ fucker was _monologuing_ and Harry's stupid reflection had slipped something into his pocket.

Harry cracked his knuckles and pulled his wand out.

He wanted to practice some of the Sixth Year spells on a live target, anyways.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry punched Lockhart in the face.

He had no regrets.

The fact that the man had tried to _drag him on stage with him_. So, Harry had punched him. In front of a crowd. And shouted about ho he needed an adult.

He had no regrets.

And seeing Weasley's dad get into a fistfight with Malfoy's was just a fucking bonus, if he was honest.

All in all, a good day of shopping.

 **~(Line Break)~**

"The fuck do you mean I wasn't speaking English?" Harry demanded, staring at Hermione and Blaise (as he'd demanded Harry call him once they'd _both_ woken up in the Hospital Wing after the Quirrelmort incident) after that farce of a Dueling Club (Malfoy had summoned a snake. Big fucking deal. Harry had told it to shut the fuck up with its complaining and set it on fire, before stalking over and kicking Malfoy in the nuts hard enough for him to pass out like a pansy. Here's to hoping he'd just saved the futures gene pool a bit of stupid.).

"You're a Parselmouth!" Hermione declared, looking thrilled, while Blaise had that sharply considering look on his face that had Harry arching a brow at him curiously.

"…People will start to say you're the next Dark Lord," the dark-skinned Italian told him; Harry continued to stare, waiting, and Blaise sighed. "That means, _you Barbarian_ , that people will try to attack you in the halls… _Again_." Slowly, Harry grinned.

" _Brilliant_."

 **~(Line Break)~**

The Basilisk was huge, but didn't actually put up all that much of a fight. Harry had climbed up onto the Slytherin statue with the magic _Gryffindor sword what the fuck_ and had waited until the blinded snake had lunged at him, so that he could jump onto its head and slam the sword into its puny brain, holding on tightly as it thrashed in its death throes.

"You killed my Basilisk!" Riddle screeched as Harry leaped down from the snakes head, sneering at the ghost-boy.

"Yep," he agreed easily. "You gonna cry, dipshit?" He mocked; Riddle hissed at him, furious, and Harry rolled his eyes, bent down, and picked up his book, making Riddle freeze, eyes widening. Harry barely cast a glance at the unconscious Weasley girl.

"You know I only got involved because your worm put someone I cared about in the hospital, right?" He asked, arching a brow. "Otherwise, I'd have just let you come back. The fight would have been kick ass, you know? But, now? No chance, dipshit." Turning, Harry opened the diary to the middle (And what the fuck kind of guy claimed a _diary_?), and, in a vindictive sense of poetic justice, slammed the open book down on one of the many fangs in the dead basilisks mouth. Riddle screamed, and began to disintegrate. Harry scoffed.

Pansy.

 **~(Line Break)~**

" _EXPECTO PATRONUM!_ " Harry roared, lashing out at the swarm of Dementors attacking his past-self and Sirius across the lake. A massive silver boar tore from the tip of his wand as it attacked the Dementors, sending them fleeing with horrible hissing wails.

Fucking _nobody_ hurt what was _his_.

 **~(Line Break)~**

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore called, looking grim from his place in front of the Goblet of Fire, and Harry stared blankly, before his eyes narrowed.

Fuck _that_ bullshit. _Nobody_ tried to make _him_ fight when he didn't fucking feel like it! Raising his wand in the air, Harry spoke clearly through the stunned silence of the Great Hall.

"I, Harry James Potter, swear of my magic, that I didn't willingly put or have another put my name into the Goblet of Fire, and that I had no knowledge and gave no consent to having it put there in any way, shape, or form, this is my will, So Mote It Be." There was a flash of light, and Harry quickly summoned an apple from the Gryffindor table to prove he hadn't lied. Taking a large bite from it, Harry glared darkly at Dumbledore as he stalked towards the waiting back room, enjoying the wide-eyed, stunned silence his actions had caused.

 _Take that, you fucking sheep._

 **~(Line Break)~**

"You know, you monologue a lot," Harry told Voldemort, struggling to think past his _fucking skull splitting open_ as he stared into the disgustingly reptilian face of the Resurrected Dark Lord. Voldemort narrowed his eyes furiously, and threw Harry his wand back.

Fucking _idiot_.

Harry bared bloody teeth in a pleased snarl, and started the duel while Voldemort was still talking.

The mans scream of rage when, thanks to the golden net thing and his parents ghosts, Harry managed to grab the cup (he _did_ feel a little bad for stunning Diggory at the finish line, but, hey, just because he hadn't _wanted_ to be in the Tournament, didn't mean he was going to _lose_ , fuck that shit), and disappear back to Hogwarts.

 **~(Line Break)~**

He was a fucking _Horcrux_.

He had a fucking _piece_ of that _monologuing idiot's_ _ **soul**_ in his mother-fucking _head_.

Fuck.

That.

 _Bullshit_.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry stood tall and proud before the Forbidden Forest, his Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders, his Wand ( _The Elder Wand,_ his mind breathed softly) in his hand, the Ring on his hand ( _Resurrection Stone_ , murmured his mind). Voldemort had given an ultimatum, and Harry had chosen to sacrifice himself for the children of the school. So many were already dead, after all. ( _Remus, Tonks, Sirius, Fred, Lavender, Pansy, too many, too many,_ _ **not acceptable.**_ )

Staring into the trees, he barely noticed the ghostly figures standing around him.

"You'll be their, waiting for me?" He asked softly, staring at those gnarled, threatening, _beckoning_ tress.

" _Always, sweetheart,"_ Lily whispered; Harry smirked, plucking the ring from his hand and tossing it into the bushes, the spirits fading away.

"Good enough for me."

Harry faced his death with a smirk and open arms.

 **~(Line Break)~**

His mother was waiting for him when he died, sitting on a bar stool and tossing back shots of golden light that refilled as soon as the cup was set back down. Harry sat next to her, and a second glass appeared, just as ready.

"Hello, sweetie," she greeted him softly, smiling warm as the sun as Harry tossed back his own glass, feeling like he'd just swallowed liquid treacle tart. Weird.

"Hey, Mum," Harry greeted back, and smiled at her as she leaned over and pulled him into a soft, warm hug, and she was so fucking _real_ in that moment his throat grew tight.

"Oh, honey," she sighed, leaning back and cupping his face with her hand, stroking a thumb down his scarred cheek (a gift from Bellatrix in his Fifth Year, when he'd gone to the Ministry of Magic and blew the Hall of Prophesy up before even trying to go in. Future wasn't supposed to be recorded, anyways, so he didn't feel bad about it at all.). "You know, before you were born, your Father and I got into several rows, about who should be on the front lines and who shouldn't." Harry blinked, nodding along as he drank another glass of golden light. "Well, James thought I should be hidden away and out of sight, _safe_ , while he and his brothers-in-arms fought." She snorted, and Harry grinned as she tossed back another shot, before she sat sideways on her stool to look him in the eye directly.

"Now, I love James, always will, and I married him out of that love, but, sometimes, he's such a complete and utter _idiot_ that he deserves a good kick in the bollocks. One night, while he was out fighting, I snuck off to Muggle London, to a small pub so I could drink away the annoyance I had for James after yet _another_ fight over me fighting in the War. That's where I met your Sire." Harry blinked, startled, and frowned at her. "James is still your Father, honey, but you were made with another's Seed, and that has affected you in ways I could never foresee," she admitted, sighing and taking another shot, grimacing slightly. "I don't regret a damn thing, honey, and I love you and am _damn_ proud of whom you've grown to be, but, well, I know that you'd have been different if James was your Father…" She shook her head. "That's for Him to tell you, though, and, before you get your knickers in a twist," she sharply started as Harry opened his mouth to demand answers, mind in a whirl, " _don't_ ask. I cannot answer, Harry. The Divine hold my Tongue on this, and nothing you do can affect it. The most I can tell you is that the answers you want are in America, no more than that." She shook her head, and Harry, glowering darkly, took another drink with a huff.

"Now, you've got two choices to make, sweetheart," Lily told him, and nodded off behind him; Harry turned on his stool, and stared in morbid fascination at the mutilated, mutated snake-toddler pinned to the dart board, whimpering and moaning in pain. Bile crawled up his throat, but he forced it back down with a shudder.

"The fuck is that thing?" He growled, glaring at it; Lily lifted one shoulder, eying the creature with hate.

"A fragment of soul Voldemort left in your scar," she told him simply; Harry hissed and spat on the floor at it, disgusted by the vile thing. "It's dead, now, and will be on its way to the Depths of the Field of Punishment, to suffer for Eternity, along with the rest of Voldemort's soul."

"Good fucking riddance," Harry stated tersely; Lily saluted him with her shot glass, smiling coldly.

"Exactly, sweetie, exactly," she agreed. "Anyways, you have two choices now. You can move on," she offered, gesturing at the Exit sign over a door, which had seemingly just appeared. "Join your Father and I in the Afterlife, get your just reward, a Hero's Welcome as it were… Or," she pointed towards the other side of the room, where another door appeared, and, beside it appeared a coat rack and a small table, and on each were three familiar items. "You can go back, but, know that, if you do, you won't be able to ever join us again," she murmured softly, sadly, and Harry stiffened in his seat, turning to stare at her, eyes wide.

Harry loved a good fight, loved to spill his enemies blood and the satisfying feeling of his fist meeting some idiots flesh in a primal display of temper and dominance and power. Loved the feel of kicking ass, the challenge, the _rush_ , but… He loved his Mother, his Family (And no, the Dursley's _didn't fucking count_ ). The idea that he would never see them when he died, that he'd go somewhere else and never get the answers he'd so longed for as a child…

It was, honestly, terrifying.

The whimpering of Voldemort's Horcrux caught his attention, and he turned to stare at it silently for a second.

Voldemort's main piece was still running around. So was Nagini, and all his Corpse Munchers. Hermione. Blaise. The Weasleys (Though, if he was honest, he couldn't fucking stand Percy or Ron, and the feeling was mutual, but he _liked_ the oldest brothers and the Twins, and Ginny was… _Tolerable_. She had one _hell_ of a temper, and he could admire that, at least). _Teddy_. People he cared about, real _breathing_ people he had known far longer and far more personally than he knew the Dead…

…

Fuck it. He was never one to go the easy route, anyways.

Tossing back one last shot of golden light, Harry stood, and kissed his Mother on the cheek as she smiled up at him, proud even as silver tears of light slid down her cheeks.

"I love you, Baby," she whispered as he stalked towards the door that would lock him away from his Family. Pausing on the threshold, hand on the knob, he looked back at her, and smirked confidently.

"I'll kick his ass extra hard for you, Mum," he told her, and stepped through the door and back to his body, her last words whispered across his mind as his dead body breathed in a slow, quiet breath.

 _"That's my boy…"_

 **~(Line Break)~**

Voldemort was dead. Dead and gone, and Harry was left a few months later, holding his Godson and staring across the Hogwarts grounds towards the large memorial statue, a massive stone boar in his honor, with the names of the fallen carved into its base as it glared out towards the forest, ready to fight in the name of the living and dead alike.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Hermione asked him softly, stepping up beside him; Harry hummed in agreement, shifting Teddy (Fucking _silly_ name, cute, but silly) as the baby cooed at him.

"Where will you go?" Blaise asked, stepped up as well and curling an arm around his fiancé's waist. Harry hummed softly.

"I've been thinking about going to America," he mused; Hermione nodded while Blaise smirked.

"Have fun," He ordered; Harry smirked, mind drifting towards the Ring on his hand, the Wand in his pocket, and the Cloak visibly wrapped around his shoulders.

Of the telling tattoo over his heart, that marked him Immortal, the Master of Death.

"Oh, no worries about that," he told his friends easily, grinning fiercely.

"I plan to."

 **~(Line Break)~**

The moment he was on American soil, Teddy sleeping peacefully in his arms, his new ink all but compelled him to visit the Empire State Building. Arching an eyebrow, he shrugged, tightened his hold on his Godson, and obeyed. Hey, what the hell did he have to lose?

The little shit at the front desk actually tried to tell him that the place he needed to go didn't exist, but he shut up _real_ quick when Harry flared his Aura, a black-edged red that promised Death and Bloodshed, before meekly handing over a gold keycard and pointed him towards an elevator everyone else was ignoring. Smirking at him, Harry shifted the still-sleeping Teddy to a more comfortable position and moved towards it.

Stepping inside, Harry swiped his card, and watched as the elevator started upward, towards the supposedly _non-existent_ 600th floor. Smirking as it dinged, Harry stepped out of the doors, and looked around, blazing green eyes sharp as he eyed the decidedly Grecian throne room, and then he let his eyes focus far above normal height, to meet the electric blue eyes of the massive being sitting upon the golden throne at the center of the others (Twelve in all, all holding equally massive beings, male and female, and-Whoa, that one was _hot_ … No distractions; _focus_.).

"…" They continued to stare, the air growing heavy to the point that Teddy shifted and whimpered unhappily in Harry's arms, making the Master of Death narrow his eyes in displeasure, smirk sharpening.

"Sup," he said, and smirked as the Being's face shifted into a glower, while another (this one holding a _caduceus_ and wearing winged-sandals… He _totally_ wanted a pair, and weren't those some random ass mythological dudes signature? Hermione would know…) snickered on his copper throne.

"Watch your tone, _child_ ," the Big Man growled, the rumble of thunder waking Teddy, who began to wail, making Harry scowl darkly up at the Being (God? Who the fuck _cared_ ) as he quickly adjusted the scared almost-two-year-old neatly.

"Good job, _asshole,_ " he complained, scowling. "Who the fuck scares _babies_ , I mean, really," he complained, ignoring the furious growl of thunder that shook the ground under his feet, focusing fully and purposefully on his Godson. "Hush now, little mane," he ordered gently, bouncing Teddy as he wailed and dug his sharp little nails into Harry's skin, hair flashing rapid different colors in distress.

"Oh, the poor little dear," a woman's voice cooed, and Harry stiffened and curled his body in instinctive protection as he noticed one of the females had, suddenly, become normal human height and was next to him, grass growing out from her feet as she cooed. Harry blinked, and she smiled at him with such a gentle, affectionate face that he barely understood _why_ he felt no ire towards her as she reached over his protectively curled arm to stroke Teddy's hair, quickly soothing him down from wails to sniffles.

"You'll have to forgive my little brother," she told Harry kindly, smiling maternally down at Teddy as the boy peered up at her, hair shifting to match her own golden wheat blond, his eyes matching her freshly-turned dirt brown perfectly. "Oh, you are just too precious," she cooed at Teddy, who sniffled and gave her a watery smile, showing off his little front teeth, and making the woman coo again, before she turned a smile on Harry. "I am Demeter, child. And you are?" Harry blinked, and straightened again, standing taller than her now.

"Harry Potter, Master of Death," he replied; immediately, a bell tolled, the heavy _bong_ of mourning bells in steeples, the murmur of sorrows and soft sound of weeping ghosting through the air, before the distant roar of battle rose and fell away again, leaving behind only the silence of the grave.

Everyone was silent, staring at him, and Teddy sucked on his thumb, eyes wide. One of the Beings, sitting on a blood-red throne, groaned and buried his face in his hands, black hair in an oiled crew cut.

"You have _one_ one-night stand in England," he muttered, and, with a flare of red light, much like the red in Harry's own Aura, the Being disappeared, and a tall man stood next to Demeter, scowling out of a scarred face, and Harry eyed him with narrowed eyes, straightening to his full height of six-foot-four, broad, muscled shoulders tightening as he spotted familiar features on a strangers face.

"…Fuck a duck," he muttered; the man snorted, pulling red-tinted wrap-around glasses from his face, showing off fire-filled eyes that were strangely comforting to Harry. The man eyed Harry, barely glancing at Teddy, before dragging one large, scarred hand over his head with a huff of annoyance.

"Name's Ares," the man offered, holding out his hand; Harry shifted Teddy and obligingly wrapped his own scarred hand around this mans, his _fathers_ hand (the words _I Must Not Attack Teachers_ stood out palely against his tanned skin, but he'd never regret punching that cunt in the stomach for calling him a liar to his fucking face.).

"Harry," the eighteen-year-old responded, before nodding towards Teddy, who was wide-eyed as he shifted his hair and eyes to match the _gods_ (weird). "This is Teddy. Don't ask me, didn't fucking name him." Ares eyed him again, and smirked.

"Well, kid," he said, throwing an arm around Harry's shoulder, one large hand landing to rest protectively on Teddy's currently crew-cut head. "Welcome to Olympus," he announced, gesturing towards the Grecian Throne Room, and everything beyond. Harry eyed everything for a contemplative moment, before smirking, a mirror image of Ares, the green in his eyes flaring up to an intense glow, like emerald flames.

"Wicked."

 **A/N:** Ta-Da! Now, feel free to steal this idea and write it your own way, or make a multi-chapter, this idea is up for grabs if you'd like. Just give me credit. I MAY come back and do a drabble or three of Harry running around America/Camp Half-Blood and such, being his potty-mouthed, bad-ass self, but, yeah. Just an idea I had.

Thanks for voting on my poll, you must now reach _**THIRTY**_ for the next prompt/idea to get worked on, so, yeah (Shrugs) Have fun!


	2. EXTRA: Stirring Shit Up

**A/N:** By Popular Demand, I give you a little drabble-shot in the War Song Universe~! ^-^

Thank you for all the Reviews, Favorites, and Follows, everyone! And thank you to those who read but don't do anything besides enjoy it!

Explanations for weird & random names are at the bottom, just fyi.

 **War Song**

 ** _Stirring Shit Up_**

Harry was bored out of his damn mind. He and Ares sparred damn near every day, and he and Athena talked shop occasionally (They didn't see eye-to-eye, but Harry liked her firm belief that _everything is a weapon_ , and the fact that the Goddess knew ways to fight with a fucking _paperclip_ that scared the _shit_ out of him gave her major brownie points as far as Harry was concerned.) He had fun fighting with the Hysminai and the Machai, had learned how to give a properly terrifying war-cry from Alala. He had gotten his blood pumping just _looking_ at Polemos, and the two of them, with a little help from Enyalius, had accidentally-on-purpose gotten the Nymphs and Dryads to wage war in the name of chastity against the Satyrs and hornier of the Gods and open-minded Goddesses, and the hot nature-ladies were on a boycott from cock. Harry had gotten the _shit_ beat out of him by Ares for that, before the two laughed their asses off and bonded over watching some of the Gods get horrific blue-balls.

Enyo had gleefully taught him some majorly devastating spells that affected wide-areas (to the horror of half of Olympus), and he'd swapped stories with the Androktasiai over Nectar and Firewhiskey. Homados had damn near deafened him every time the shithead opened his fucking mouth, but they'd solved _that_ issue by pulling Harpocrates wherever they met, so that they could _actually_ have a conversation. Harry had damn near laughed _himself_ to Death watching Ioke court Palioxis, chasing after the other Spirit like a particularly intent cat after a mouse, and poor Kydoimos had gotten so confused he'd gotten into a fight with Alastor (Who had taken on the form of Snape whenever close to Harry, which Harry had found equal parts hilarious and infuriating). Phobos and Harry had never gotten along, but Harry was fine with that.

Still, Harry had always been a little fucked up in the head, and the wanderlust he'd craved was eating at his damn joints.

So, he decided to go fuck with Death.

As he stared around the Underworld, taking in the stereotypical flames and darkness, with a weird as fuck green mist thing over the ceiling, Harry shifted his hold on Teddy (who was now three, when the fuck had _that_ happened?) as the toddler stared around them curiously.

"…Fucking tacky," Harry muttered, striding forward. He had a few Gods of Death to bother.

(Thanatos mourned his increased paperwork, while Achlys spun his mist in miserable pleasure over the gleeful Keres. Macaria danced, laughing sweetly in Harry's shadow as Minos grimly continued to work alongside a smug Aiakos and an exasperated Rhadamanthys. Melinoe had fun as she presided over her ghostly flock, smiling fondly at how 'lively' they were getting in the Master of Death's presence, while, down in the Fields of Punishment, the Kindly Ones cackled. Hecate could only sigh in amusement as the boy who was twice-blessed by herself cause mayhem that made Eris proud. Charon just counted the money Harry gave him to carry Teddy through, and ignored everything else. He'd stay sane longer, that way.)

The visit was very satisfying, if Harry did say so himself.

(Even if Uncle Hades disagreed. Vehemently)

 **~(Line Break)~**

" _Must_ you visit so often?" Hades complained as he glowered at his _nephew_. Harry grinned, completely unrepentant even as he kept a sharp eye on Teddy as the Toddler screeched with glee every time Cerberus playfully nudged him, the massive dog's tail wagging like crazy as he chased and played with the child.

"Yep!" Harry responded, and had no fucking regrets as his favorite Uncle groaned and took another shot of nectar to no-doubt cure the headache Harry always managed to give him. Harry just grinned slyly.

Oh yeah, he definitely liked fucking with the Gods.

 **~(Line Break)~**

"So, let me get this straight," Harry started slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared up at the Gods, mostly looking right at Zeus. "You all want me to go to this shitty little Camp in bum-fuck New York, to kick the shit out of your little brats so that the fucking fight in the near future doesn't kill a shit-ton of them. Does that sound about right?" He asked, arching a brow, and Zeus glowered darkly, thunder rumbling in the background and little bites of static dancing through his truly kick-ass beard.

"Yes," he ground out around gritted teeth; Harry arched a brow.

"The fuck do I get out of it?" He asked; Zeus looked even angrier.

"You get to fight more," Apollo suggested easily; Harry snorted and just gave the Sun God a look, and the surfer-esque God just grinned and shrug gamely.

"Something to distract yourself?" Athena offered; Harry gave he the look _that_ deserved, along with a lechery-filled leer, earning a huff and instinctive bristle from the Virgin Goddess.

"You get to kick the shit out of a bunch of brats, with approval," Ares told him; Harry snorted.

"I can do that anyways," he reminded; Ares shrugged, throwing a leg over the arm of his throne carelessly as he used a dagger to trim his nails boredly.

"Enough," Hera declared, leaning forward slightly to stare at Harry with her silver-and-copper eyes. "What do you want in exchange for your services as a Combat Trainer for Camp Half-Blood?" She asked; Harry tilted hi head, and smirked coldly, knowing he was about to cause one _hell_ of an issue and reveling in it.

"I want Hades to have a Throne and a Cabin," he declared, and grinned viciously as the Zeus fucking _roared_ , lunging to his feet, lightning exploding around him as massive freak storms began forming around the world.

" _YOU DARE!_ " The King of the Gods bellowed, the roar of thunder deafening even as it send heavy vibrations through Harry's very _bones_.

"I do indeed," Harry replied cheerfully, grinning and all but bouncing on his feet as the other Gods and Goddesses began to object as well, throwing the room into loud chaos as they all argued and fought around him. Fuck, he could see why Eris threw that fucking Apple ages ago, this shit was fucking _hilarious_.

" _SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ " Ares roared, and in his voice was the cry of thousands going into battle, the roar of guns and canons, the wails of the dying and the cheers of the victorious, and, surprisingly, everyone quieted, if not entirely. "Harry, the fuck do you want Corpse Breath sitting on a Throne for? And a fucking Cabin? Seriously?" He demanded of his Son, and Harry grinned slyly at them all.

"He's the King of the Dead, and I'm the Master of Death," Harry reminded cheerfully. "And don't you even _try_ to fucking sell me on that Big Three Oath bullshit. If the three of you could keep it in your pants as much as you _think_ , then the world would be a better fucking place, let me tell you." He snorted; Zeus's face mottled with rage and Poseidon actually fucking winced a little.

"You would _dare_ to presume–" Zeus started; Harry pointed at him, face deadpan.

"Thalia," he said; Zeus's mouth snapped shut. "And Jason." He pointed at Poseidon. "Perseus." He waved towards the shadows were the silent, stoic form of Hades watched. "His brats don't even fucking _count_ , because they came _before_ that fucking prophesy, and don't get me fucking _started_ on your stupidity concerning _them_ ," Harry complained, glaring up at Zeus. "Seriously, the fuck is the matter with you? You tell everyone else they're not allowed to talk or interact with their sprog, even if said sprog is about to _die_ , but, oh look! Your own brat, who you _Swore on the Styx_ wasn't going to _happen_ , is about to bite the dust but, instead of just _letting her_ when it's her _fucking time_ , oh no, you magic her into a fucking _tree_ ," he ranted, annoyed. "And not even a _cool_ tree, and fucking _Christmas tree, what the fuck_?" Harry huffed and glared at them all. "The only one of you Big Fucking Three who actually _followed through_ with that Vow was Hades, and yet, _where_ is his Throne? Not here! Where's _his_ fucking Cabin? Oops, _that's_ not here _either_! Seriously, you assholes need to treat Hades with more respect; he's the _oldest fucking brother_ and has to deal with more shit than any of you. I mean, you guys made him the _God of Regret_ , for fucks sake!" The Gods were silent, staring at him, some in disbelief and some in relief that someone had _finally_ voiced this matter, even if they hadn't quite expected such a… _Unique_ argument.

"So, let me fucking clarify," Harry declared, glaring up at the Gods firmly. "In exchange for me, going to Camp Half-Blood—which is a _stupid_ fucking name, _so_ creative—and training your pathetic bastards so they don't fucking die like dipshits in this stupid fucking fight that no one knows when it'll fucking _happen_ , you lot give Hades a Throne and a Cabin. That seems fair, doesn't it?" He asked mockingly, baring his teeth in a sneering grin; thunder rumbled as Zeus ground his teeth, furious. Hera set a hand on his elbow, and inclined her head towards Harry, her frigid, coolly regal features unmoving.

"It is done," she told him, the echo of Power roiling through the room; Harry nodded, and clapped his hands together, smiling.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," he announced cheerfully. "I'll grab my brat, and be out of your hair. Later!" He announced, giving them a mocking salute before, with the echoing gong of mourning bells and the echo of battle cries, Harry disappeared.

"Good riddance," Zeus growled, and that was that. Ares watched his fellow Gods as they tried to recover from the upheaval that the Master of Death had caused, and couldn't quite hide a smirk as he dug his blade beneath one of his nails to carefully scrape out some of the blood that had gotten stuck there.

 _That's my boy,_ he thought with pride, and hoped that Camp Half-Blood was prepared…

Ah, who was he kidding? The little shits were about to have their asses handed to him, and he'd be laughing the whole damn time.

 **~(Line Break)~**

"Your newest Combat Instructor, Harry Potter!" Chiron introduced Harry to the Campers at Dinner, and Harry smirked out at them as he carefully helped Teddy eat the grapes that one of the Nymphs had given the boy. "Son of Ares, Master of Death!" The telling toll of Mourning Bells filled the air, the sound of weeping in its echoes, and the thunderous roar of a battle swamped it over, until the silence of death surrounded them all and made each Demigod feel their Mortality.

"…Sup," Harry greeted easily, not even blinking as he smirked out of them.

Their disbelieving faces would look cuter once he was done beating them into the ground.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry scowled heavily at the group of beautiful girls and boys huddled in front of him.

"You bloody fucking _pathetic_ ," he complained, glaring darkly at the Children of Aphrodite. "You little shits are the spawn of the Goddess of Love, Beauty, Desire, Sex, and fucking Pleasure, but not a damn _one_ of you can fucking _fight_! Love is one of the most fucking powerful things in the Gods damned _Universe_ , brats! There are three fucking reasons people fight and kill in this world, and they are greed, revenge, and _love_! For fucks sake, have _none_ of you dipshits ever heard the phrase 'love hurts'?" He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering death at the gasping teens, who had barely managed to run a fucking _mile_.

"Listen up, and listen good, dipshits!" Harry barked, thoroughly disgusted. "Love is a Power in this World that _no one_ is capable of escaping! _Animals_ know love! C _hildren_ know love! _Mother fucking psychopaths_ know love! For fucks sake, the Trojan War? Happened because some douche was _in love_! And, sure, Lady Discord stepped up and threw the first fucking punch with that Apple of hers, but it was _your_ mother who ended up starting that fucking war, and, guess what? It was for fucking _love_ that that fight _started_ , for _love_ that it _continued_ , and for mother fucking _love_ that it fucking _ended_! You little shit-stains are so fucking obsessed with looking gorgeous that you forget, _you don't fucking have to_! Girls, guys love it when a good looking chick can pack a punch! Turns their dicks up like a fucking dog smelling a treat! Boys! Girls dig it when a pretty boy can kick fucking ass! It makes them feel special and loved and protected and shit! Does that make a lot of sense, fuck no, but it's fucking _true_. So!" Harry dropped his arms and bared his teeth as he snapped his fingers; instantly, a trio of massive, black-skinned boars rose from the ground, squealing furiously as the kicked the dirt, fire-filled eyes hungry and deadly tusks covered in steadily dripping blood. Harry stalked over to them and, smirking, patted one on the shoulder.

"Get ready to throw out your precious fucking _name brand_ shoes, bitches," he purred, grinning ferally under the teenagers horrified stares. "Because I'm about to make you run them so fucking hard that you're great-grandkids feet'll hurt!" With that cheerful warning, he whistled, and the boars _screamed_. The next hour was a mix of the most hilarious and the most infuriating sights in his damn life, but watching as the 'weakest' member of the Cabin finally got fed up and launched her tiny self at the largest of his Battle Hogs with a scream that would do fucking Alala proud, with nothing but one of her prized fucking shoes in hand as a weapon, well.

He thought he was doing a pretty damn fine job of this teaching shit, all things considered.

 **~(Line Break)~**

Harry stepped across the Border Line without even a flicker of hesitation and, in a flash of movement too fast for normal humans to see, had the Minotaur by its horns. With a roar of his own to match the Creatures, Harry rolled his shoulders and, with a powerful heave, sent the Beast flying back towards the smoldering remains of the car, lightning flashing and thunder rumbling as rain continued to pour.

"Fucking asshole," he grunted, casting a brief, narrow-eyed look up at the sky, before he turned and grabbed the unconscious satyr by the back of his shirt, and neatly tossed his sorry ass over the Boundary. Huffing, Harry cast a considering look on the shaken, terrified form of Poseidons brat, and smirked at the wide-eyed awe that flashed over the boys face at the sight of Harry in his tight black muscle shirt and jeans, red leather jacket protecting him from the rain.

"Get your sorry ass past that tree or so help me, I'll put you over my knee and spank your ass hard enough your ancestors will feel it," Harry told him, voice hard and smirk transforming into bared teeth. Peseus blanched, and, with a yelp, obeyed. Normall, Harry would go easier on the little shit. His mother had just gotten turned to fairy dust before his eyes, and he probably hadn't even been _aware_ of the fact his old man was a sea cucumber, but, hey, Harry had been sleeping when fucking Granddad had woken his ass up with his hissy fit.

Turning back to face the Minotaur as it bellowed at him and began to charge, Harry barred his teeth and cracked his knuckles.

At least he'd get to kick _someone's_ ass properly today.

 **A/N:** There you guys go! I hope you liked it, thank you so much for reading and loving the first chapter so much! I will probably make one or so more random drabbles like this. Before anyone asks, ALL the Divine seem to ALWAYS know what Demigod belongs to Who, and so Harry knows as well.

 _ **Glossary:**_

 **Ares –** God of War, Bloodshed, and Violence.

 **The Hysminai –** Spirits of Fighting and Combat

 **The Machai –** Spirits of Fighting and Combat

 **Athena –** Goddess of Intelligence, Skill, Peace, Warfare, Battle Strategy, Handicrafts, and Wisdom

 **Alala –** Spirit of the War Cry

 **Polemos –** Personification of War

 **Enyalius –** Minor God of War

 **Enyo –** Goddess of Destructive War

 **The Androktasiai –** Spirits of Battlefield Slaughter

 **Homados –** Spirit of the Din of Battle

 **Harpocrates –**

 **Ioke –** Spirit of Pursuit in Battle

 **Palioxis –** Spirit of Backrush, Flight, and Retreat from Battle

 **Kydoimos –** Spirit of the Din of Battle, Confusion, Uproar, and Hubbub

 **Alastor –** Spirit of Bloodfeuds and Vengence

 **Phobos –** Spirit of Panic, Fear, Flight, and Battlefield Rout

 **Thanatos –** God of Death, Brother of Hypnos.

 **Achlys –** Spirit of the Death-Mist, Personification of Misery and Sadness.

 **The Keres –** Spirits of Violent or Cruel Death

 **Macaria –** Daughter of Hades, and Goddess of Blessed Death

 **Minos –** One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal king of Crete and Judge of the Final Vote

 **Aiakos –** One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal king of Aegina, Guardian of the Keys of Hades and Judge of the Men of Europe (Which is why he's smug about Harry, btw).

 **Rhadamanthys –** One of the Three Judges of the Dead, former mortal lawmaker and Judge of the Men of Asia

 **Melinoe –** Daughter of Persephone and Zeus, Minor Goddess (Or Spirit, it's not really clear tbh) of Ghosts

 **The Kindly Ones –** The Furies, Goddesses of Retribution, the Erinyes. Alecto (The Unceasing One), Tisiphone (The Avenger of Murder), and Megaera (The Jealous One)

 **Hecate –** Goddess of Magic, Witchcraft, The Night, Moon, Ghosts, and Necromancy. (By Twice-Blessed, I mean Harry was Blessed with MAGIC and NECROMANCY, NOT that he's a Twice-Blessed Demigod).

 **Charon –** Ferryman of Hades

 **Hades –** God of Regret and Wealth, King of the Underworld and the Dead.


End file.
